Broken Hallelujah
by obsessedwithstabler
Summary: It's not a cry you can hear at night. It's not somebody who's seen the light. It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah...
1. Chapter 1

Okay, this was originally supposed to be a oneshot, but the first part screamed to be an individual chapter. And what the muse wants, it gets. The song I used for this was Rufus Wainright's Hallelujah, an absolutely beautiful, heartbreaking song. I suggest you listen to it while reading. Enjoy, and please review!

For Michelle, my junior grasshopper who inspired this story. EO FOREVER!

Disclaimer: Not mine!

SVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVU

Olivia Benson had never seen herself as invincible. She had gotten out of a lot of dangerous situations without so much as a scratch, but it didn't mean that she was infallible. Far from it. And now, there was a gun pointed at her, and all she could think about was her partner beside her.

One bullet.

A piece of metal with a deadly trajectory, intending to mortally wound.

She froze. One second she and Elliot were standing side by side, trying to reason with the suspect who was growing more and more unstable by the minute. The next, there was a flash of light, a deafening crack, and Elliot. She screamed as he stepped in front of her, taking the bullet that was intended to take her life.

"Elliot!"

He fell backward, against her, and she didn't hesitate to empty her clip into their suspect.

Two shots. Non lethal. Legs, shoulders, arms. Avoid vital organs if possible. Bring them down.

Fuck that. She shot to kill, and she didn't give a damn what the consequences to her would be. He had shot her partner, the man she was supposed to protect at any cost. And he had taken the bullet for her.

She continued to pull the trigger even after the man was on the ground, and she only stopped when she felt Elliot's heavy weight against her chest. Her arm had wound itself around him, holding him to her.

The gun fell from her hand, and she sank to the floor, gently cradling his head in her hand. "Elliot." Gently she pushed his jacket back, groaning softly at the sight of the crimson that stained his shirt. Fumbling for her radio, she finally brought it to her mouth and screamed into it for a bus to aide her wounded partner. Then she discarded it. She had never been more afraid in her life than she was at that moment. Her worst fears were coming true as she held Elliot in her trembling arms, and all she could do was pray that help would get there in time. She couldn't lose him.

Elliot stirred against her, trembling.

Uncurling her legs from under herself, she cradled him to her, holding the heel of her left hand against the gushing wound. With her right hand she gently supported his head, just as she had done once before. "Come on, El," she whispered, shaking him gently. "Open your eyes. Look at me."

He finally forced his eyes open and looked up at her, his cerulean eyes clouded. "You okay...?"

She held him tighter, shaking her head vigorously. "I'm fine, Elliot. You're the one who's hurt." Of course he would be worried about her when he was the one who was hurt and bleeding in her arms.

He reached up and slid his fingers into her hair, studying her intently. His entire body was in agony, and he just wanted to sleep. His eyes drifted shut.

She shook her head, smoothing her hand over his cheek. "Elliot, stay awake for me, please. Please..." Her heart was racing against her chest, and all she could see was the injured man cradled in her arms, her partner. Her life. The very breath she took. "You have to stay with me..."

He groaned softly when she pressed her palm harder against his chest. He had gotten by too many times, and something told him that this time, he wouldn't be so lucky. His hand drifted from her hair to the back of her neck. She sounded so afraid, so lost, and he wanted nothing more than to hold her and promise her it was all going to be okay. But he knew different.

"Where the hell is the bus?" she muttered angrily to herself.

His eyes opened slowly. "It's okay, Liv..." He hated the fear that was in the chocolate depths of her eyes. And even more, he hated that it was there because of him.

She looked at him, then nodded slowly. "You're right. You're going to be okay." She leaned forward, gently caressing his forehead. "You just have to stay awake for me, El."

He inhaled shallowly, letting his fingers caress the back of her neck. He had put her through hell for years, but he loved her so much. And if he wasn't going to make it, he would rather be in her arms than anywhere else. "Liv..."

She nodded immediately. "I'm right here, El. What is it?"

_I heard there was a secret chord _

_That David played and it pleased the Lord _

_But you don't care for music, do you?_

_It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth _

_The minor fall, the major lift _

_The baffled king composing hallelujah_

"I..." A sudden, harsh coughing fit erupted in his chest.

Panicked, Olivia gently helped him sit upright and patted his back. "Breathe, El," she urged.

Finally he collapsed heavily against her, laying his head on her shoulder.

She cradled his head against her shoulder. "Just hang on, Elliot. The ambulance is coming."

His eyes closed. "I don't... think..." He suddenly grasped her shirt in his fingers, needing to be closer to her.

Her arms tightened around him as she kissed his head. "Elliot, you have to stay awake for me." Faintly she could hear a bus in the distance, and her shoulders slumped in relief. "Can you hear that? They're almost here."

He wheezed softly. He could taste copper in his mouth, and each breath he took was weaker than the previous one. His grip loosened on her shirt.

She reached down and gently cupped his face in her hand, meeting his faded eyes. "Elliot," she said firmly, gently patting his cheek. "Come on, Elliot. You just have to stay awake a little longer." The sirens were getting louder; they would be there in just a minute or two.

He placed his hand against her cheek, gently caressing her skin with his thumb. "Tell my kids... I love them..." He closed his eyes.

She squeezed him gently. "You can tell them yourself, El," she whispered. "You'll see them again soon. I promise." She only prayed to God that she would be able to keep that promise to him.

He cupped her cheek in his hand for a moment. "I love you, Olivia." His hand slipped away from her cheek.

Shaking her head, she gently slapped his cheek, willing him to open his eyes again. "Elliot! Elliot, look at me, now!"

There was a crash as paramedics rushed into the room, but Olivia didn't notice.

Elliot took a ragged breath, then went completely limp in his partner's arms.

"Elliot!"

_Hallelujah, hallelujah _

_Hallelujah, hallelujah_

TBC...

A/N: *hides* Don't kill me! LOL. The muse is inspired, and the story is almost finished. Yay! I hope everyone enjoyed this, and please review!


	2. Love Is Not A Victory March

Wow, you guys are awesome! I know that a lot of you are asking about El, but I'm going to be cruel and not answer. MWAHAHAHAH! *ducks flaming sporks* But I promise, it's coming! Enjoy, and please review!

**I'd like to thank Mentalcase911, for her awesomeness. She helped me and stepped in to write this scene with me as Kathy, and I think she did a fantastic job. The chapter took a very different turn than originally planned, and it's because of her. Thanks, bunny!**

Disclaimer: Not mine!

EOEOEOEOEOEOEO

Olivia was barely aware of anything going on around her. She hadn't been allowed to ride with Elliot in the ambulance, and it infuriated her. If something had happened in there, she never would have forgiven herself for letting him be alone. She looked down at her hands.

"Olivia!"

The voice sent a tremor down her spine, and she looked up to see Kathy storm into the waiting room. Slowly she stood up, holding her hands out in a peace offering. "Kathy..."

The blond woman was furious, and even though she was a few inches shorter than Olivia, she seemed to tower above the brunette woman. "What did you do?"

Olivia's brown eyes widened. "What?"

She thrust a finger in Olivia's direction, her sharp blue eyes icy. "My husband is here because of you! He might die because you couldn't do your damn job and protect him!"

Olivia shook her head, fighting back her hot tears. "Kathy, you don't understand," she said softly, and in her mind's eye she was holding him again. "I did everything I could."

Kathy's sharp glare seemed to do nothing but harden. Suddenly, as if out of nowhere, her hands jutted out, landing squarely in the middle of Olivia's chest.

Olivia stumbled back, stunned. Never had this woman showed signs of violence toward her, but she understood. If she was in her place... She held her palms out, forgetting that they were still stained with her partner's blood. "Kathy, please listen to me. The suspect..." A tear escaped down her cheek.

"I don't give a fuck about your suspect, Olivia!" The older woman's voice was hard, brutally honest and angry. "It was your fault! My husband is in there because of you! All these years you kept him from me and our children. And now, after you stealing him from us, taking his whole life, what do you give him? A life threatening injury! I thought you were supposed to watch his back! Isn't that what you so-called partners are do?"

A violent shudder went through Olivia's frame. "I understand that you're angry with me... If I could do it again, if I had just seen that gun..." What little of her strength was fading fast. Her chest heaved as she struggled to contain her sobs. "I would have taken the bullet for him." If she had seen the look in his eyes, she would have shoved Elliot out of harm's way. Instead, it was the other way around, and now Elliot might possibly be paying the ultimate price for it.

"It was all your fault! All your fault!" Normally calm and reasonable, Kathy's whole frame was nearly unrecognizable as she stiffened up and threw her fist out, landing directly on Olivia's jaw.

She was stunned for a moment, but she quickly recovered and grabbed Kathy's wrist. Then she spun her around and held her against the wall, as though she were a suspect. "Kathy, you have to listen to me," she whispered. "I know that this was my fault, and I am so sorry. But screaming at me won't change anything."

Being less physically fit than Olivia, it was stupid for Kathy to struggle. She knew that...but she struggled anyway. She slammed her heels into Olivia's body and squirmed with all her might. Finally, realizing that it was a useless mechanism, she collapsed against the wall, letting out a choked, heavy sob.

Olivia relaxed her grip on Kathy's arms as she shed a few tears herself. "I know, Kathy. I know..."

Kathy slid down the wall in front of her, blindly groping for something to hold to as she sobbed. Finally landing on the floor, she clutched Olivia's hand and clung to it, unable to apologize but unwilling to let Olivia go on being hurt.

Sighing softly, Olivia slid to the floor beside the woman who was still married to the man who captivated her heart. They were both in pain, and she knew that it was her fault. Quietly she pulled Kathy into her arms and hugged her tightly, putting aside her own discomfort.

_Your faith was strong but you needed proof _

_You saw her bathing on the roof _

_Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you _

_She tied you to a kitchen chair _

_She broke your throne, she cut your hair _

_And from your lips she drew the hallelujah_

After a few minutes of slowly quieting sobs, Kathy managed to whisper, "It wasn't your fault."

Olivia tensed, shaking her head. "It was." She let her head fall back against the wall. "I couldn't... He..." She choked on a sob.

"It' wasn't, Olivia. The EMT told me what happened." Her voice lowered a bit, "I always knew he'd sacrifice anything but the kids for you. I just hoped it'd never happen."

She swiped at her eyes. "He shouldn't have done it. He has children..." Her voice dropped an octave. "A family."

"Olivia...You are one of the biggest parts of his family. If something would've happened to you, and he could've stopped it, he would've ended up killing himself one way or another."

Her eyes slid shut in a futile attempt to stop her tears. "I would have taken that bullet..." She would have gladly died for him. She didn't have family, children. It wouldn't matter. There would be no one left to grieve her.

"Look...You may not know it...you may not let yourself know it...But I know he loves you. And I know that we both know you love him."

She shook her head. "Not in the way you think. He's the closest thing to family I have; that I've ever had."

"Olivia Benson, I'm not stupid. Nor am I blind or deaf. I know you love each other."

She laughed bitterly, trembling. "We love each other, but it's different." She looked at the woman who she was certain had always seen her as a threat. "He has the... most beautiful children with you. He gave you his name."

Kathy's eyes narrowed. She was honestly getting quite angry. "Damn it, Olivia, he told me!"

Her heart stopped in her chest, and what little color was left in her cheeks faded. "What...?"

She sighed deeply. "He told me, Olivia."

"Kathy, I think you misunderstood," she whispered, reeling in disbelief.

"It's kinda hard to misunderstand, 'Baby, I love you but I'm in love with her', Olivia."

She inhaled deeply. Elliot had said it to her, but she hadn't allowed herself to believe it. He thought he was dying, and he was just... Well, she didn't know what he thought he was doing. Maybe he felt obligated to say something, anything. She let her arm fall from around Kathy's shoulders.

Kathy's voice dropped even lower, her face concealed by a veil of her thick blond hair as she blushed, ashamed. "I knew you had sex."

"Kathy, we didn't have sex."

"I know you did, Olivia. He came home...he was so happy. I haven't seen him that happy in a very long time. It wasn't any of the kid's birthdays, but he wanted to take them all out to eat. And for ice cream. I just knew something happened. And he talked about you the whole day...Olivia, if you didn't...Thank you."

She looked stunned. "Of course we didn't." What was she talking about? Elliot was still living at home, as far as she knew. He had never said anything that contradicted that. "Elliot wouldn't do that, and I wouldn't..." She swallowed hard, reeling. "I could never be the other woman, in the way you were thinking."

Kathy sighed deeply. "You really didn't sleep with him, did you?"

"No, of course not." She looked at her partner's wife, the mother of his children.

"Then why? Did he tell you why?"

"Why what, Kathy?" Olivia asked, genuinely confused.

"Why did he move out?"

"He moved out?" Those five simple words nearly knocked the wind out of her.

"Well, yeah..."

"He... never told me," she whispered.

"Are you serious?"

She nodded, trembling. "He never said a word."

"Olivia...He told me it was because of you. Because he wanted you, and that wasn't fair to either of us."

She pulled her knee up to her chest. "I had no idea... I really didn't."

"Wow..." Her eyes were wide and surprised.

She was just as stunned and confused. "As far as I knew, you two had worked things out... He was always talking about the kids. But he always does that anyway." She closed her eyes and pictured that beautiful smile that always occupied his face when he saw or spoke about his four children.

"We had an agreement. He got the kids on the weekends, as long as he was off. And he could come see them whenever he wanted."

She chewed on her lower lip. "Work... has been hell these past few weeks... Maybe..." She shook her head. "I don't know."

"God Olivia...You really had no idea. He moved out three months ago." She was honestly surprised that Elliot hadn't told his best friend he had moved out.

She swiped her fingers through her messy, damp hair. She really had no idea. When they rode into work together, he always picked her up. And when they met up after work, they always went back to her place. Her heart pounded so hard against her ribcage that she thought she might throw up. "Are you..." Suddenly her mouth felt as though it was filled with cotton. She had no right to be asking this, but she couldn't stop it. "Are you divorced...?"

"We're in the middle of proceedings."

She sniffled, unsure of what else to say. Elliot and Kathy were finally divorcing, something that she had silently prayed for for months, but now it was terrifyingly possible that she would never be able to talk to him again. The room tilted and spun violently around her, and she grabbed the chair that was beside them for support. If he died... If he died, she would die with him. There would be no recovery for her, and she knew it. Without him, there was nothing left for her. Her life would cease to hold any joy, and her job would lose any appeal it once had. She could not imagine going to work and not seeing him sitting across from her, grinning and swiping bites of her lunch.

Tear-glazed blue eyes watched the detective closely, studying her every move. While still hurting, Kathy knew that the love Olivia had for Elliot was far beyond platonic, and that the younger woman was hurting just as badly as she. Hesitantly, she wrapped an arm around Olivia, pulling her into an awkward hug. "He'll be okay. He always is."

Struggling with her grief, Olivia slowly returned the hug and started to sob. "He can't die..." she cried, shaking her head. "He's..." She hugged Kathy tighter, the woman that she had shared Elliot with for years. And she was hurting just as badly. But if they lost him, Kathy would always have Elliot in the children that they had had together. They were so much like him, and they grew even more so each and every day.

Both Kathy and Olivia, the two most important women in Elliot's life, were surprised by the amount of comfort they were able to give and draw from the other. Kathy had always felt threatened by her, but now she almost felt sorry. She had never really allowed herself to see what her husband meant to this woman, but now there was no denying it.

Olivia Benson loved her husband.

_Hallelujah, hallelujah _

_Hallelujah, hallelujah_

TBC...

A/N: Yeah, yeah, I'm like you guys. I'd rather have Kathy be an evil bitch, but sometimes we just have to be grownup. LMAO. Thanks for reading, and please review!


	3. The Minor Fall

Well, this chapter gave me a fit. But I finally caught the plot bunny and FORCED it to cooperate! HAHAHAHA! *glares at plot bunny* Only eight days till s10 is on DVD, and nine until THE NEW SEASON!! We'll finally know if the kissing pictures were real or if Chris and Mariska were just playing with our heads again! Enjoy, have a box of Kleenex ready, and please review!

Disclaimer: Not mine!

SVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVU

Olivia suddenly jerked awake in the chair, gasping and whispering Elliot's name in a hoarse voice. The room was dark and nearly silent, save for the sounds of her own labored breathing and the machinery keeping her partner alive. She rested her hand over her pounding heart, then leaned over and studied the man in the bed.

"He hasn't woken up yet," came a quiet and soothing voice from the other side of Elliot's bed.

She looked up, surprised. "Don?" He had not been there when she dozed off.

Cragen leaned forward in his chair opposite her. "They let me come in for a few minutes." He stood up and quietly walked over to her chair, then gently touched her back. "How are you doing?" he asked softly.

She shrugged half heartedly, studying her unconscious partner with her usual fierce intensity.

His hand came to rest on her shoulder, and he squeezed it with a gentle affection. "He's going to be okay, Olivia. He's strong." He sounded so sure of himself, and he only hoped he was as right as he sounded.

Her shoulders shuddered. She prayed to God that he would be right. If she lost him, she would never be okay again.

Cragen used his free hand to gently rub her back. He hated to think what might happen if the man in the bed beside them didn't pull through. Elliot was like a son to him, but as deep as the affection he had for him was, he knew that it was nothing compared to what Olivia felt for him. He had never witnessed anything close to what Elliot and Olivia had, and he had a deep feeling that if he lived a hundred years more, he would never see it again. Olivia lived for him, and Elliot lived for his children and her. Their lives were so entwined, so meshed, it was hard to tell where one stopped and the other began. Damn near impossible, in fact.

He continued to rub Olivia's back absently. When she had come to SVU, Elliot had already gone through three partners, all male. And he wasn't completely sure that Elliot would take to the brunette, soft spoken rookie.

But within a week of her arrival at SVU, the two were practically inseparable. And Cragen knew that he had never made a better decision.

Olivia suddenly rose to her feet and began to pace around the room, occasionally pausing to look at her injured partner. She was emotionally drained and the little bit of sleep she'd had had done little to replenish her.

Cragen studied his detective carefully. "Maybe you should go home and get some rest, Olivia." But even as he said those words, he knew just what her response would be. And she was too strong willed to change her mind.

She shook her head. "No. I'm staying right here." She didn't care how ridiculous it sounded, but she was afraid to leave her partner's side. If she did and something happened, the guilt and grief would drive her out of her mind. She wasn't going to risk it.

A soft sigh escaped him. "Liv, you need to be taking care of yourself." If she kept this up, it could easily lead to a collapse, and then Elliot would have his head when he woke up for not watching her close enough.

She finally went to the bed and reached out, resting her hand on Elliot's forehead. "I need to be with him," she whispered, stroking his warm skin with her thumb.

"I know you do. But you know he wouldn't want you ignoring your own needs, Olivia. He'd want you to take care of yourself." He shoved his hands in his pants and met her teary brown eyes. His heart broke at the pain he saw there in her normally brilliant and caring. "He needs you to be strong for him."

"I am." She was being as strong as she could for him.

"You're exhausted," he pointed out.

"I'm fine."

He sighed at her stubbornness. "Liv..."

"Captain, I need to stay with him." She felt as though she were going round in circles with him.

"I know you do. All I'm asking is for you to go home for a couple of hours. Rest, take a shower, get something to eat." He glanced down at his unconscious detective, then looked at Olivia again. She seemed even more exhausted, if that was at all possible. "I don't want to see you have to be admitted in the room next door. And you know Elliot wouldn't, either."

She rested her hand over her dark eyes to hide the tears threatening to fall. "I just... I can't, Don. If he wakes up and I'm not here..." She shook her head. She would never forgive herself if he woke up alone in a hospital. She could deal with her exhaustion on her own, as long as she was right at his side. "I am not leaving."

"Olivia, I don't want to make it an order." But he would if he needed to.

"Are you?"

He sighed. "No." He knew better than that. Nothing short of a sedative, a baseball bat and a pair of handcuffs could keep her away from this room.

"Then I'm not leaving."

_Maybe I've been here before _

_I know this room, I've walked this floor _

_I used to live alone before I knew you _

_I've seen your flag on the marble arch _

_Love is not a victory march _

_It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah_

A nurse stepped into Elliot's room, interrupting their talk. "I'm sorry, sir, but I have to ask you to leave now," she said in a polite but firm voice.

He closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, Olivia was still watching over her wounded partner. "At least think about it, Olivia," he pleaded, his eyes on the detective who held a special place in his heart.

She nodded, tenderly stroking Elliot's damp hair while she laid her other hand on his slow rising chest. "I will, Captain," she assured him quietly.

He sighed and nodded, turning to leave. She was probably the most stubborn and determined woman he had ever met, but it only served to endear her to him. He loved her like the daughter he never had, and cared for her like the father she had never known. He only wanted her to take care of herself, but he had a sneaking suspicion that she would not leave Elliot's side until he opened his eyes and told her that himself. Maybe then she would listen.

A mirage of alarms and bells suddenly went off behind Olivia, and Cragen rushed over to the bed while the nurse opened the door and called for assistance.

Olivia panicked and placed both hands on Elliot's chest. "Come on, El, don't do this to me," she begged, shrugging off Cragen's hands. "Don't do this to me! Stay with me!"

The nurse rushed back into Elliot's room, accompanied by several doctors and other nurses. One gently grabbed Olivia and tried to pull her away from Elliot's bed. "Ma'am, we need you to leave the room. Now."

Olivia struggled furiously, shaking her head. "No! I need to stay with him!"

Cragen wrapped his arms around her and held her to his chest, gently pulling her out of the way of the medical personnel. "Olivia, come on. We need to let them help him," he said into her ear. "Come on."

She fought against him. "Let me go, Don!" Helpless, she watched as a crash cart was produced and they pulled the blankets off of her partner. "Let go!"

"Get her out of here!" one of the nurses yelled at Cragen.

He nodded, and as much as it broke his heart to hear her cry, he pulled his detective out of the room.

The door slammed shut behind them, and Olivia finally freed herself and hit her knees, sobbing her partner's name.

Cragen knelt down beside her and pulled her roughly into his arms. But this time it was an act of protection and comfort, not of force.

She fought against him for a minute, then finally slumped against his chest, burying her face in his shoulder.

He rested his chin on the top of her head and held her tighter, rocking them both back and forth. "Shh, Olivia... Shh..."

She cried into the soft material of his shirt, shaking uncontrollably.

He pulled her closer to him and closed his eyes, shushing her softly. "He's going to be okay, Olivia. He's strong."

He had to be okay. She struggled against him again briefly, but he was too strong. She felt as though she was crawling out of her skin with worry and grief. She was losing her mind, and if the man in the room beside them didn't survive... She held onto Don tighter, gripping his shirt in her shaking hands.

He let her hold onto him and rubbed her back, but said nothing else. There was nothing else that he could think to say right then. And if Elliot died... He shook his head furiously, refusing to entertain that thought further. He was going to pull through this.

She lifted her head and stared at Elliot's door, her heart clenching. Be okay, Elliot.

Then she closed her eyes and said a silent prayer to a God she wasn't sure that she believed in anymore.

_Hallelujah, hallelujah _

_Hallelujah, hallelujah_

TBC...

A/N: I think there's only two more chapters left in this, and possibly a funeral. *shrugs and ducks flaming left shoes* Thanks for reading, and please remember to review!


	4. The Major Lift

Well, it seems that this story is finally coming to an end. LOL. There is only one more chapter to be written, and then those sweet word, The End. LOL. What did you guys think of that season premiere? I thought it was a little predictable, but we did have some good EO eye sex. LMAO. And then there was that bit with the van and the jerk that threw gasoline on them. "Fall back!" Elliot is so protective of her. Every time that guy stepped closer, Elliot stepped further in front of his Liv. Yay! And of course, by the end, you couldn't hate Miller's character cause his kid died. *sigh* And that new ADA? What was with that stick up her butt? We want Alex back, right, everyone?! LOL. Well, enough of my rambling. Enjoy this chapter, and please review!

This chapter is dedicated to El Chacal, who always wants me to bring in at least one of El's kids. I don't tend to do that, but I did this time. So enjoy, El Chacal!

Disclaimer: Not mine!

SVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVU

It was nearly two hours before Olivia was finally allowed back into Elliot's room, and she didn't hesitate to hurry to his side. She had been crawling out of her skin waiting in that bland, lonely room without knowing if he was even alive. He was still incredibly pale, with skin that was cool to the touch. Olivia slid her hand into his and squeezed it tightly, hoping to pass her strength into him. "I'm here, Elliot," she whispered, leaning down to gently kiss his forehead.

She thought that she felt a small pressure on her hand in response, but when she looked at his face, she realized that it had just been hope. So she sat down in the chair beside his bed and resigned herself to watching him sleep. She found her eyes drawn to his broad, strong chest. As long as it continued to move, he was still with her.

There was a soft knock at the door, and Olivia looked up, surprised, as Munch quietly walked into the room. "Hey, John..."

"Hi, Liv." He pulled off his sunglasses and smiled at her, then looked at Elliot. "How is he doing?"

"He's hanging on," she murmured, rubbing Elliot's arm.

He nodded, stepping closer to her. "He'll pull through this, Liv."

"He has to."

"He won't leave you." Munch folded his arms over his chest. "You know he wouldn't be right without you."

And she would die without him. She nodded again.

Setting aside that they worked together, he leaned down and gathered her into his arms, hugging her tight. Right now, she wasn't one of the detectives that he worked with. She was a friend in desperate need of some comfort, and he was in a position to give it to her. He rubbed her back soothingly.

Sniffling, Olivia buried her face in Munch's shoulder, returning the hug with a savage desperation. She craved the physical contact and reassurance that came with it.

"Hey, get your paws off my girl," Fin growled with a smile.

Munch glared at his partner. "Get your own girl." He half hoped that it would bring a smile to her sweet face. But somehow he doubted it. There was only one person who could make her smile right now, and he was lying unconscious in the bed beside them, unable to comfort her.

"I want this one. So give her up."

Olivia squeezed Munch, then turned to Fin and snuggled into his embrace. She had never had a true family growing up. Her mother had always been drunk and abusive, and so many times she envied the other girls at school who talked about their mothers making cookies for them, then in later years, shopping for prom dresses with them. They never had to buy booze for their moms, or clean up dried vomit and broken bottles. They were the lucky ones.

Fin kissed the top of her head. "How are you holding up, baby girl?" He had never allowed himself to grow attached to women he worked with, but this particular one had found her way into his heart and never left. She was like a sister to him, and he was just as protective and adoring as if she truly was his sister.

"I'm okay," she whispered, letting him hold her tight against his chest.

Finally Fin released her and stood up, standing beside his partner. "We heard what happened earlier, and we came to see if there was anything you needed."

She choked down a bitter laugh and looked at her partner. "All I need is for him to wake up."

Both men nodded in understanding. They knew that she wouldn't be able to relax, sleep, or eat well until she knew that the man in the bed beside them was okay. And it came as no surprise to either of them.

After a minute, she seemed almost catatonic, unaware of their presence, but they were reluctant to leave her. So Fin took the extra chair across from Olivia and sat down heavily, while Munch occupied himself by leaning against the wall and watching Olivia intently.

As Olivia took her partner's hand and held it, Munch closed his eyes and thought back to the day he met Olivia, over a decade ago. He was fresh out of a marriage that had lasted less than a week it seemed, and Stabler was the senior detective of the squad with a hot temper and a reputation that spoke for itself. He had gone through at least three partners after Dave Rosetti put a bullet through his jaw, and he had managed to run every single one of them off. Then Cragen had announced another member would be joining the squad, and he glared at Elliot, silently telling him that this would be his newest partner. And that he better not run them off. He could still remember the malicious look Elliot had on his face once Cragen turned his back on them and went back to his office. He had just shaken his head and thought, _God have mercy on his soul._

The next day, a dark eyed, radiant woman walked into the squadroom, and he had jumped to his feet. "Can I help you, Ma'am?" he had asked, hoping for some reason that she hadn't been raped, or that she had simply gotten lost on the way to some movie set. He was acting completely foolish, he knew it, and yet he couldn't seem to stop it.

Then she gave him a smile that nearly blinded him. "Actually, you can. I'm Olivia Benson." She offered had offered him her hand, which he eagerly shook. "I'm looking for Captain Donald Cragen."

That surprised him. In all honesty, she was nothing what he had expected, and without thinking, he had glanced in the direction of Elliot's desk. "Sure... His office is right over there."

She had smiled again and thanked him, then left him wondering if she wouldn't be the downfall of this entire squad.

But she hadn't been, and for the first time in six months, Elliot hadn't scared off his new partner. And from that day on, he rarely saw them apart. Where one was, the other wasn't far behind.

Fin leaned back in his chair, rubbing his legs as he silently berated the man in the bed beside him for making his Olivia cry. He had only been with the squad for eight or nine years, but almost immediately he had bonded with Olivia. She was like the little sister he had never had, and within a week of meeting her, he had become ferociously protective of her. He closed his eyes. Like she even needed it. If anyone came too close or seemed like they might be a threat to her well being, Elliot was all over their sorry ass. From the first time he had walked into the squadroom, after being brushed off by Cragen, he had seen something between Elliot and Olivia. For a minute, when he noticed Elliot's golden wedding band, he had been convinced that they were married, and he was sorely disappointed.

But then he had seen her left hand, and noticing the lack of a matching band, he realized that they weren't together. And he was surprised. It was in the little things he saw, like whenever Elliot pulled Olivia's chair out for her, or when she absently reached over and picked a piece of lint off of his shirt. The shock came when they ordered lunch one day, and he witnessed Elliot swipe a bite of Olivia's food, and she did the same. He had almost fallen out of his chair at that. He wouldn't even share eye drops with his partner, let alone share food.

And as the years passed, their partnership and friendship only strengthened. They went above and beyond acting as partners, to the point of Elliot sacrificing the life of a small child to save the life of his partner. After that, there had been a brief period when everyone in the squad had wondered if they would stay partners. Except him. He was a little surprised when she transferred temporarily, but that had lasted less than a few weeks. And when he came back and found them throwing paper airplanes at each other one morning, he just smiled and sat at his desk, giving his own partner a look that clearly said, I told you so. Because he knew that they wouldn't stay apart for long. Their partnership wasn't like the one he had with Munch, where at the end of the day, they said goodbye and that was it.

They didn't call it quits at the end of the day, and he even knew of a few times when they had spent the night together. Much to Elliot's wife's chagrin, he was certain. He knew that it was only a matter of time before Elliot's wedding ring would be removed for good. He had only hoped that it would happen before Olivia met someone else and Elliot lost his chance for good.

He glanced at the unconscious man in the bed in front of him. Then his eyes drifted to the exhausted woman holding his hand as though her life depended on it. He had to pull through this, for her. Because if Elliot didn't, he didn't want to have to be the one who would be left to pick up the pieces of her shattered heart and soul.

_There was a time you let me know _

_What's really going on below _

_But now you never show it to me, do you? _

_Remember when I moved in you _

_The holy dark was moving too _

_And every breath we drew was hallelujah_

After an hour or two, after several hugs and whispered reassurances, Munch and Fin reluctantly left Olivia alone with her wounded and unconscious partner.

When the door closed, Olivia leaned forward and laid her head on Elliot's shoulder, sighing deeply. Vaguely she could hear his heart beating, and she moved her head until her ear was resting just over his heart. It beat firmly under her ear, making her sigh in tearful relief. As long as she could hear that sound, as long as his gentle heart continued to move, she would be okay. If it ever stopped... Her arm wrapped itself around him, holding him gently. If she lost him, there would be no recovery for her. She knew that much.

She lost all track of time, until the door opened behind her. Then there was a soft gasp.

"Liv?"

Olivia immediately recognized the voice of Elliot's oldest child, Maureen, and she quickly sat up and wiped at her reddened and swollen eyes. Then she turned and smiled at the young woman. "Hi, Maureen."

Maureen set her purse down. "I'm sorry I couldn't get here sooner," she apologized tearfully. "How is he?"

Olivia reached out and urged her closer, then gently rubbed the younger woman's arm. "Maureen..."

Impatience flared in her cerulean eyes, and Olivia saw her partner in his daughter. "Just tell me, Olivia. Despite what my dad thinks, I'm not a little kid. I can handle it."

Olivia nodded apologetically. "I know you're not a kid, and you can handle it." She pointed to the empty chair. "Sit down."

Maureen shook her head. "I'm... I don't want to sit down." She reached down and gently touched her dad's leg, almost as though she was afraid her touch would further worsen his already grievous injuries.

The older woman nodded. "Well, it was rough for a while. He was hurt very badly. But now, his doctors think that he's going to be okay."

Maureen moved around the foot of the bed and went to her dad's head. Then she reached down and gently smoothed his hair back. This was the man she thought was invincible, who had held her in the middle of the night when she was sick, and who stayed up late when she need help with a project that was due the next morning. He did all of it without complaint, and even though he wasn't around nearly as much as she had wanted, he was there. He loved her. Sniffling, she leaned down and kissed his forehead, just as he had done for her so many times in her young life. "Hi, Daddy," she whispered, a little disappointed when he didn't open his eyes and look at her. He always woke up for her.

Olivia saw the expression on the young Stabler's face, and she reached out and rubbed Maureen's arm. "Don't take it too hard, sweetheart. He hasn't been awake yet."

"Why not?" she wondered miserably, collapsing into the chair by her dad's bed. Suddenly she felt like she was five again, and her mom had just told her that her daddy wouldn't be home in time to tuck her into bed and read her a story.

"He'll wake up when he's ready," Olivia assured her patiently, forcing a small smile.

Maureen took her dad's hand and held it tight. "What if he does, and I'm not here?"

"Then I'll call you before anybody," the older woman promised.

Maureen looked up, surprised. This was the woman that, at one time, her mother had said destroyed their family. She was the reason her dad was never home anymore. But here she was, hurting just as badly as her but still trying to take care of her. "Do you promise?" she whispered.

Olivia reached out for Maureen's hand. "I promise, sweetheart," she swore, squeezing the younger woman's hand tightly.

Maureen nodded shakily, releasing Olivia's hand. Then she leaned forward and kissed her father's cheek before she buried her face in his shoulder and cried.

The cries of Elliot's daughter were too much for Olivia to stand, and she took Elliot's hand and brought it to her face. Then she rested her cheek against it and sighed shakily.

He had to be okay.

_Hallelujah, hallelujah _

_Hallelujah, hallelujah_

TBC...

A/N: I chose Maureen there at the end, because we are so much alike. We're both the oldest, and we're both daddy's girls. So it's easier for me to get into her head. Next chapter, there will possibly be a funeral... Hope everyone enjoyed this, and please review!


	5. A Cold And Broken Hallelujah

Alright, here it is. This is the last chapter, and I'm thrilled with how it turned out. Thank you all for sticking with me through this, and I hope everyone will be as satisfied with the ending as I was. Enjoy the last chapter of Broken Hallelujah, and please review!

**I'd like to dedicate this last chapter to ciscokid, who gave me the whole idea for this last chapter. It was utterly perfect for what I wanted to do, and her help was immeasurable. Thanks, bunny!**

Disclaimer: Not mine!

SVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVU

Maureen didn't move from her father's side until visitor's hours had ended, and even then she argued with the doctors and nurses. It wasn't until Olivia had reassured her several times that she would call as soon as he awoke that she finally nodded in resignation. Olivia watched with a heavy heart as Maureen kissed her father's forehead, then finally walked out of the room.

When the door closed, Olivia stood up and stretched her sore and stiff muscles, wincing as they screamed in protest. Her body was begging her for a night in bed, but she simply wouldn't do it. Elliot had shown no signs of regaining consciousness, and until he did, she would remain glued to his side.

There was something keeping her there, something indescribable, and she did not have the strength to fight. Maybe she was never meant to. She had never been able to fight her feelings for him. So she had always kept them well hidden.

Until now.

Reaching down, she ran her slender fingers lightly up and down his arm, reassuring both of them. "Come on, El," she murmured, wiping at her reddened eyes. "You've gotten enough beauty sleep. It's time to open your eyes so I can go home and take a nap."

There was still no response, and she hadn't expected one. Yawning deeply, she sat on the edge of his bed with him, then tenderly drew his large hand into her lap. She relished the physical contact, and somehow she knew that they both thrived on it. They always had. Whether it was a simple touch on the arm, or his hand on the small of her back to guide her, the touch was always there.

"Elliot..."

She traced her fingers lightly over the lines in his calloused hand. Signs of a life well lived, he had once called them. She smiled softly as she heard his voice in her mind, just as clear as if he had spoken the words right then. And if she closed her eyes, she could see him smile at her. But it hurt too much to do it, to think that at any time, the only way she'd ever see his face again was in her memory.

A hot tear rolled down her cheek, and she stubbornly wiped it away, then laid her hand in his. She marveled at the differences between them. Her hand was soft, small, but had as many scars as his. His hand was large, roughened from the life he led. But at the same time, it could be just as soft as hers, especially when tending to a child. Gently she pressed her fingertips against his.

He didn't react to the loving touch, and she sighed, resigned. Leaning forward, she hesitated before laying her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

In this position, she could hear each breath he took, and it soothed her considerably. He was warm and his heart beat in time with hers, reminding her that he was still fighting to stay with her. She inhaled tearfully, running her hand lightly over his arm as her mind traveled to another place and time.

When she had met him, they had both been so young, but she was much more closed off. No one knew about her past or origins, and she was determined to keep it that way. In this new environment, she controlled who knew what.

But with Elliot, her carefully constructed walls were gone long before she was even aware of it. And she quickly realized that spending long hours together in silence wouldn't work. So she started to tell him things, little by little. Then before she knew it, she was telling him about her mother's rape and decision not to abort. And it didn't take much more prodding on his part for her to finally reveal that she had been abused as a child and teen by her then alcoholic mother.

So when her mother died just a couple of years after she joined SVU, Elliot understood completely her lack of emotions. And he even understood why she didn't fill out one side of the health forms all of the squad had been forced to fill out.

He was the only person who ever truly understood him, and somehow, she believed that she was the only one who understood him. Kathy couldn't, because she didn't see the same things that they saw day in and day out. He had told her many times that they didn't talk when he went home at the end of the day, because he didn't want to put those thoughts and images into his wife's mind.

So when he needed to talk, he turned to her. And because she had no one else, she turned to him. It only seemed natural.

She yawned deeply, her hand moving slower and slower until it stopped completely.

_Maybe there's a God above _

_And all I ever learned from love _

_Was how to shoot at someone _

_Who outdrew you_

As she stood in the back of the chapel, she felt as though a heavy weight was all around her, crushing and slowly smothering her. She could barely catch her breath, and even though there were dozens of people around her, she had never felt more hopelessly alone.

Cragen came up to her and pulled her into a tight hug, and even though he was speaking, she couldn't hear a single word of it. She simply waited until he pulled away and left, probably to comfort someone else who could actually feel it. Because she simply could not feel anything.

Ahead of them, four children were looking lost and confused, and the tallest of the four was crying quietly. Olivia wanted to comfort her, but she couldn't bring herself to move. It was as though her feet were glued to the floor, and there was no one to help her get free.

She closed her eyes, and time rewound, to three days ago. She had watched the love of her life deteriorate slowly, until the doctors told her that there was nothing anymore that they could do. She wanted to scream, to throw things and tell them that he couldn't die, that he was invincible.

He had never even regained consciousness, and as he slipped further away from her, she had held his hand and told him over and over again how much she loved him. He couldn't give up, because he had so much to live for. And that if he would just open his eyes and look at her, she would tell him these things and love him for the rest of her life.

But it simply wasn't enough.

When the doctors told her that he was dying, and it truly hit her that she was losing him, she made everyone leave. Then she had crawled into the bed with him and gently pulled him into her arms. His breathing was a labored task, draining what little strength he still had in his weakened body, and he trembled slightly in her arms.

She had begged, pleaded, threatened and cried as she held and kissed him, but in the end, it hadn't done a damn thing. And she had felt as though she was dying too as he sighed, then finally slipped away in her arms.

She opened her eyes, and he was still gone.

Slowly everyone took their seats, and she found a place in back, away from his family. Every few seconds someone turned back and looked at her, and every few seconds, she felt like crawling out of her skin.

The service lasted longer than she thought, and her gut twisted as each of his children came to the front of the room and spoke a few words about him. She knew that she was supposed to speak, but she wasn't sure that she had the strength to do it. Then her turn came.

It was as though she was moving through a thick, impenetrable fog, unaware of the saddened eyes that watched or anything else as she took the podium. But for several seconds, she couldn't speak.

"I was... Elliot's partner..." She cleared her throat as tears threatened. "He was my best friend... and the best man I ever knew in my entire life."

_He was the only man I ever truly loved._

"I trusted him with my life, not only because he was my partner, but because I truly felt safe with him."

_Now I can't breathe without him._

A visible tremor swept through her slender frame. "He was an amazing cop, and an even better father." A tiny smile touched her lips. "There wasn't a single day that went by that he didn't talk about them."

_I wanted to be part of that family._

"He was the kind of person... that I want to be. He was devoted, selfless, and put all he had into everything that he did."

_And he held my heart in the palm of his hand._

Her hands gripped the podium until her knuckles turned white. "He was... the only family I ever knew, and I know that as long as I live... I'll never be alone. Because I know that he'll be with me." Tears were streaming down her face as she finally stepped away from the podium and went to the casket, where her partner lay so still.

_I love you, Elliot._

She leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, a sob erupting from her chest as she rested her forehead against his. "Why?" she whispered. "You weren't supposed to leave me. I need you too fucking much, Elliot. I can't lose you!" He was gone, but it simply would not register in her heartbroken mind.

She felt the piercing stares, but she ignored them and draped an arm over him, as though just holding him could bring him back. She wasn't supposed to lose him like this. Not now. It should have been her.

"Please don't leave me here, Elliot," she begged, her plea little more than a whisper. "Please. Please..."

He remained there, so still, so cold, and she felt her sanity slipping away as she hit her knees and sobbed.

"I love you, Elliot!"

_And it's not a cry you can hear at night _

_It's not someone who's seen the light _

_It's cold and it's _

_A broken hallelujah_

She felt strong arms engulf her, but she fought them. They couldn't bring Elliot back to her. Why didn't that bastard just put a bullet in her right then? Surely it would hurt less than knowing that she would never hear his voice again.

She sobbed again, whispering words of love as the strong arms held her closer. He was gone, and it was slowly killing her.

"Shh, Liv. It's okay..."

She shook her head. It was never going to be okay again. Elliot was gone.

"It's okay. I promise."

Her entire body trembled, and through her sobs, she thought that she heard a familiar voice. Now she was losing her mind. She tried to pull away, but the arms held her in place.

Her back suddenly started to ache, and as she opened her eyes, all that she could see was white. She frowned, sniffling. What the hell was going on?

A gentle hand caressed her back. "That's it. Calm down..."

Slowly, she lifted her head and came face to face with the most beautiful sight on the face of the Earth.

"El..."

He gave her a weak smile. "That's me." His hand came up and gently wiped her tears away. "Why are you crying?"

She shook her head and cried harder, slipping her arms around him and pulling him into a warm hug. "God, Elliot," she whispered, burying her face in his neck.

He closed his eyes and rubbed her back, surprised by the tender display of affection. "Shh... It was just a dream. A very bad dream."

It was... It was just a dream... She trembled and held him tighter, feeling his pulse move steadily. He was conscious, and he was speaking to her. Not only that, but he was trying to take care of her. And he was the one lying injured in a hospital bed. She sniffled, letting her hand move up and down his side.

"I love you, too, Liv..."

She froze in his arms, her breath caught in her throat. "You... you heard that...?"

He nodded, still rubbing her back soothingly. "I did." He raised his other hand and buried it in her hair.

A soft sound caught between a groan and a laugh escaped her throat, and without hesitation, she rested her forehead against his. He was so warm, so reassuring... Alive. Before she realized it, she turned her head and pressed her lips against his.

He let out a small sound of surprise, but quickly settled into the kiss. It was new, indescribable, and intoxicating. He ran his fingers through her hair, then settled his hand on the back of her neck.

Finally she pulled back, and seeing the exhaustion in his eyes, she smiled. "Go to sleep," she whispered, gently caressing his forehead.

He reached up and grasped her wrist, then gently rubbed her pulse with his thumb. "Are you going to stay?" he asked, yawning deeply.

"Haven't left yet." And that was the truth. With a tender smile, she settled down beside him and drew him back into her arms. This time there was no sense of overwhelming grief. Just... gratitude and love. She pressed a soft kiss to his forehead.

He smiled and gently touched her chin, relishing being in her arms. The joy that was in her eyes surprised him, but he didn't question it. Instead he snuggled closer to her and let his eyes close.

She pulled him a little closer and rested her head against his. "Rest, El."

His hand move slowly over her arm as he fought sleep for just a few more minutes with her. Even though it was painfully obvious how little sleep she had gotten, and she had lost weight that she shouldn't have, she was still incredibly beautiful. He kissed her softly, then dozed off in her protective embrace.

She held him and didn't move for several minutes. She was too afraid that if she moved, she would realize that this was the dream and he really was gone. But the feel of his chest as it rose against hers with each breath he took proved it. He was so warm, so alive...

Finally the room wasn't spinning anymore, so she reached out and grabbed the phone, then dialed a number she had come to know by heart.

"Maureen? Hey, it's me." She smiled softly. "I know it's late, but your dad is awake..."

_Hallelujah, hallelujah_

_Hallelujah, hallelujah_

The End!

A/N: Woo hoo! I had you guys going there, huh? LOL. My original plan really was to kill him, but this just fit so much better. Thanks to everyone who has stuck with me through this! I hope everyone enjoyed this last chapter. Please remember to review!


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